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About Funchal

Well, hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, y’all—talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage like it’s hot gossip at the honky-tonk! Now, I ain’t no expert, but I reckon a good sexual-massage is like a hog in mud—pure bliss, darlin’! Picture this: soft hands, warm oil, tension just meltin’ away—ooh, landsakes, it’s finer than a frog’s hair split four ways! I get all tickled thinkin’ ‘bout it—reminds me of them Nazis in *Inglourious Basterds* gettin’ what’s comin’. “You’re in the killin’ business, and business is a-boomin’!”—only here, it’s stress we’re scalpin’, not heads!

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So, the auction kicks off. I’m up there, doing my thing, and the crowd’s hyped. I’m talking fast, trying to keep the energy up. “Who’s gonna give me 50? 50? 50?!” And then, bam! This dude in the back, João, starts yelling. He’s like, “I’ll give you 100 for that ugly chair!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a classic!” But hey, money talks, right?

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