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But oooh, the dodgy ones—sketchy parlors, stinky oils, ughhh! Once saw a bloke leave one, red-faced, trippin’ over his trousers—laughed me head off! “You’re a bleedin’ miracle, Theo!”—nah, just a fool, ha! Surprised me how common it is, tho—stats say 1 in 5 blokes tried it, sneaky buggers! Me? Nah, too paranoid—germs, weirdos, “No fags left, mate!”—I’d rather watch Cuarón’s gritty streets than risk it.

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So, I roll up, and it’s packed! I see all these locals, and it’s a vibe. I grab some fresh apples from this old lady. She’s got the best stories, man. She tells me about the time she met a kiwi bird. I’m like, “No way!” But she’s serious. I’m laughin’ and thinkin’, “Only in Vogeltown!”

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