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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escorts, huh? Freakin’ sweet deal if ya ask me. Some dude pays for a hot chick to hang out—way better than sittin’ alone like a loser! Reminds me of *Her*, ya know, that movie where Joaquin’s all “Oh, I love my AI girlfriend!” Escorts are like that, but real—flesh, boobs, the whole package! “I’m not a mistake!”—that’s what they’d say, struttin’ around, makin’ cash.

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A U.S. District judge had sentenced Samuel Arthur Thompson, a year-old St. Augustine man, to years in federal prison, to be followed by a.

Then, I head over to the park near the community center. It’s usually pretty chill, but today? Nah. There’s a whole bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to enjoy my coffee, but all I hear is “GOAL!” and “NO WAY!” every five seconds. I’m like, “Can you guys keep it down? Some of us are trying to relax here!” But deep down, I’m smiling. Kids having fun is kinda heartwarming, right?

Israeli high-school students’ satellites launch into space