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About San Juan

Okay, so—little known fact! Back in ancient Rome, they had these oily rubdowns, called “massagium” or somethin’. Rich dudes paid big sesterces for it! Prolly got all tingly in their togas—ha! Imagine that, some senator goin’, “Oh yeah, harder!” Makes me giggle like a kid stealin’ Bart’s candy. I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me 50 bucks for a “special” massage, and it was just a dude pokin’ my back with a stick! Rip-off! I yelled, “D’oh! Gimme my money!” But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer! Like when Marge rubs my shoulders—almost erotic, but nah, she’s too sweet.

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So, I’m walkin’ out, feelin’ like a champ with my mangos, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on Calle 4. This guy was breakdancing like he was possessed! I was hyped! I joined the crowd, and we were all cheerin’ him on. It was like a mini fiesta right there.

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