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I tried it once, swear, up in Aspen – this hunky masseur, muscles poppin’, voice all low, “relax, baby.” I’m lyin’ there, heart racin’, thinkin’ – is this legal? Felt like a queen tho, pure bliss! But damn, prices pissed me off – 200 bucks for an hour? Robbery! Coulda bought new boots! Still, when he hit that spot – ooh, I melted, “I don’t wanna be a victim no more!” Straight outta *12 Years*, right? Freedom in every stroke!

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Then, this guy walks in. He’s got a huge smile and a bouquet of flowers. I’m like, “What’s this, a rom-com?” Turns out, he’s proposing to his girlfriend. He gets down on one knee right in front of the bar. Everyone’s cheering, and I’m just standing there, trying not to spill anything. She says yes, and the place erupts! I’m pouring champagne like it’s going outta style.

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