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About Balzers

Now, here’s a little tidbit—did ya know erotic massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses, right? Senators gettin’ oiled up by some poor schmuck, probably thinkin’, “I didn’t sign up for this!” True story—well, maybe, I dunno, I ain’t a historian. Point is, it’s old, it’s weird, and it’s still makin’ me twitchy. I’m sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if she’s gonna pull a *Inherent Vice* move and start talkin’ about cosmic energy or some crap. “The vibes, man, feel the vibes!” Yeah, I felt vibes—vibes of pure terror!

Chez Yvonne - Karlsruhe

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the Eschen Park. It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some weird action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

Mary Mande Von Eschen