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Hey buddy, so I’m sittin here, thinkin bout sexual-massage, ya know, as your resident Russian Sign Language translator—wild gig, right? Anyway, sexual-massage, it’s like, whoa, hands everywhere, tension meltin away, total vibe! I’m all giddy bout it, like when I first saw “No Country for Old Men”—that flick’s my jam, all dark and twisty, kinda like a good rubdown, but with less murder, ha! “Call it, friendo,” I’d say to the masseuse, hopin they pick the right oil—lavender’s my sh*t, calms my crazy ass down.

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But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swooped down and stole my sister’s sandwich! I couldn’t stop laughing. Like, who knew seagulls had such guts? We were cracking up, and it felt good to lighten the mood.

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