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About Eschen

I got mad once, y’all—some fool charged $200 for a “spiritual” rub. Spiritual my big ol’ behind! Felt like I paid for a tickle and a prayer—Halleluyer! But when it’s good? Oh, sugar, I was happy as a pig in mud! This one time, chick used coconut oil—smelled like paradise, had me floatin’. Little known fact: them old-school masseuses? They’d chant while they worked—get them vibes right. Ain’t nobody chantin’ now, just gruntin’—ha!

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When I get there, the stone’s gone! I’m like, “No way!” I start asking around, and this kid points to a group of teenagers. They’re using it as a frisbee! I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity. I march over, and they’re like, “What’s this?” I’m like, “That’s my livelihood, you punks!” They just look at me, wide-eyed.

Assessment of myocardial function and cardiac performance using left ventricular global longitudinal strain in athletes after COVID-19: a follow-up study