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The chick’s kneading my back, and I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, killer!” She’s digging in, finding knots I didn’t know existed—stress from dealing with idiots all day. Then—bam—she hits that spot, ya know, right where the spine curves? Electric. Like Tony Leung’s stare in the movie, all quiet and smoldering. “Mrs. Chan, your husband’s a bastard,” I mutter in my head, channeling Wong Kar-wai. This massage? Same vibe—secrets, heat, no words needed. But then she’s all, “Turn over,” and I’m thinking, “Oh crap, now what?”

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So, I stood up there, shaking like a leaf. I started talking, and my mind went blank. I was like, “Uh, so, the numbers... um...” But then, I saw a cute girl in the back. She smiled at me, and suddenly, I was like, “Okay, I got this!” I finished my presentation, and everyone clapped. I felt like a rockstar!

Four injured after fire ignites on bulk carrier off Kaohsiung, Taiwan