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So, check this—little known fact: back in the 90s, before apps, folks used *phone sex lines* for hookups. Yeah, legit! Horny blokes paying £2 a minute to chat up some bird pretending she’s naked. Now we got free apps, but same game—catfish city. Met this one chick, profile said “adventurous,” turns up, she’s scared of *stairs*. “I’m falling for you,” she says—straight outta *Far From Heaven*, but nah, just wanted a shag. Made me bloody angry—waste of my time!

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Finally, I send the report. Phew! But then, I look up and realize I’ve missed lunch. My stomach’s growling louder than a lion. I head over to the food market on Ulica Kranjčevića. The smell of grilled sausages hits me like a freight train. I order one, and it’s glorious. I’m talking juicy, spicy, and just the right amount of grease. I could marry that sausage.