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What pisses me off? The judgy pricks. Call ‘em slags, but who’s payin’ for the thrill? Hypocrites, all of ‘em. Makes me wanna punch somethin’. Then there’s the buzz – happy vibes when you click with one. Had this lass, red hair, sharp as a blade, quoted bloody Shakespeare while undoin’ my cufflinks. Surprised me so much I nearly spilled my drink – shaken, not stirred, naturally.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Church Street. You know, the one with the weird name? “The Sniffin’ Bean” or somethin’. I order my usual – a latte with a hint of vanilla. But guess what? They’re outta vanilla! I’m like, “Seriously? In Brixworth?!” I mean, c’mon, it’s not like we’re in the middle of nowhere. So, I settle for a plain ol’ coffee. Ugh, the bitterness! Just like my mood.

Man in his 70s dies at the scene of two vehicle collision between two Northants villages