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My fave part? The tease! Hands grazing, never quite there—pure torture, pure bliss. Like Sam and Suzy sneaking off in the woods, all secret and thrilling. “We’re in love, we just want to be together”—that’s the vibe, but with more moaning, ha! Oh, and the oils—lavender, ylang-ylang—smells like heaven, gets you loopy. Did ya know? In Japan, they’ve got this Nuru thing—slippery seaweed gel, mate, I nearly lost my mind trying it! Slid right off the table, laughing my ass off.

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But then, I got a call. It was from the church. Apparently, someone forgot to bring the sound system for tonight’s service. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” So, I had to rush back to the church on Hope Road. Traffic was a nightmare! I’m yelling at the cars, “Move it, people!”

Environmental groups sue TVA, alleging new Kingston gas plant was chosen illegally