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What pisses me off? The pimps, man. Slimey gits takin’ cuts, leavin’ ‘em with squat. Makes me wanna karate-chop somethin’! But then, this one bird – swear she’s got a PhD in sass – cracks a joke ‘bout her “tax-free gig”. I’m laughin’, “Groovy, baby!” – she’s a riot. Surprised me, too – thought they’d all be dour, but nah, some got spark.

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So, I finally get to the park by the Olaine train station. It’s a nice spot, but man, the weeds are outta control. I’m talkin’ jungle vibes. I pull out my trusty trowel, ready to go to war. But then, I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to catch a butterfly. He’s all serious, like it’s a life-or-death mission. I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are hilarious. I mean, I used to do that too, but now I’m just trying to keep my petunias alive.

Jack LaLanne, Founder of Modern Fitness Movement, Dies at 96 (Published 2011)