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Favorite part? When they hit that lower back, oh man, it’s like “the truth isn’t enough” – ya don’t need words, just groans. Surprised me how good it feels, like I’m floatin’ outta my body, gladiator scars and all. But if they skimp on the oil? Pisses me off! Dry hands? Get outta here, you cheapskate! I’m yellin’, “Don’t you dare lie to me!” like Judge Judy catchin’ a fib. One time, this chick’s hands were shakin’ – rookie move – and I’m thinkin’, “Girl, you’re gonna ruin my vibe!” Total buzzkill.

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and it smells like a mix of cabbage and something I can’t even identify. I’m crammed between this old lady who’s knitting and a dude blasting music on his phone. I’m like, “Dude, really? We’re in public!” But whatever, I just wanna get to my meeting.

Russian army’s arm patches should say «killers of children and marauders»