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Worst part? The liars. Don’t pee on my leg and say you’re 6’2” when you’re 5’7” in lifts! Or the “I’m clean” crowd—yeah, right, till the clinic calls. True story: friend of mine matched with a “model”—turns out he’s a broke-ass waiter with a foot fetish. She’s like, “Toes ain’t my kink, bro!” Laughed my ass off at that one.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Hatertseweg. It’s a nice street, you know? Trees everywhere, people walking their dogs. I’m vibing, feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, I see this guy on a bike. He’s flying down the street, and I’m like, “Dude, slow down!” But nah, he swerves and nearly takes me out. I’m yelling, “What’s your rush, man?!” He just gives me a thumbs up and keeps going. Like, really?

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