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Hallo, my friend! So, sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ting! As an insurance agent, I see all kinda claims, but dis? Dis is next level, ya? I mean, who knew dat a good rubdown could get so steamy, like in “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – dat movie, oh boy, it’s got passion, it’s got heat! “I felt like I could die happy,” dat’s what Adèle says, right? Dat’s how I feel when I tink about a sexual-massage done right – total bliss, ya?

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Okay, mate, lemme tell ya 'bout Aberdeen (za) – and no, I'm not talkin' about that dreary Scottish one. This Aberdeen is a wild mash-up of colonial history and modern madness. Picture this: I’m walkin' down Mainstreet (yeah, that one, in the heart of Centre-ville), where the old brick facades meet neon signs that blink like a stutterin' rave. Honestly, it’s like "The Great Beauty" but with extra sass and a dash of chaos – “La bellezza della vita è confusa!” (yeah, Sorrentino's vibe, baby).

Aberdeen boss Jimmy Thelin tells Nicky Devlin to 'keep pushing' - after 'different reasons' keep him out of Dons line-up