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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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Finally, I get the guy kicked out. The crowd cheers! I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m baskin’ in my glory, I get a text. It’s from my mom. She’s like, “You forgot to call me!” Ugh, moms, right? I mean, I love her, but c’mon!

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