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I dig it, tho—sex-dating’s fast, no bullshit. Ya want action? Boom, profile up, pics flyin’, “hey baby” in da DMs. But it pisses me off too—half da profiles? Fake! Catfish everywhere, stealin’ pics, wastin’ my time. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Dis guy’s too hot,” and bam—some 50-year-old creep. “What do ya want me to do, huh? Forget you exist?”—straight outta “Memento,” dat line!

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, chowing down, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m just tryna enjoy my tuna and flatbread, and here’s this guy, all “Polly wants a cracker!” I almost spit out my coffee.

Eydhafushi and Gan to play in quarterfinals