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Now, here’s a little tidbit—did ya know erotic massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses, right? Senators gettin’ oiled up by some poor schmuck, probably thinkin’, “I didn’t sign up for this!” True story—well, maybe, I dunno, I ain’t a historian. Point is, it’s old, it’s weird, and it’s still makin’ me twitchy. I’m sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if she’s gonna pull a *Inherent Vice* move and start talkin’ about cosmic energy or some crap. “The vibes, man, feel the vibes!” Yeah, I felt vibes—vibes of pure terror!

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After that, I’m feeling all hyped, so I decide to check out the Theatre Royal. It’s such a beautiful building! I’ve always wanted to see a show there. But guess what? They’re sold out! Ugh, my luck! I’m standing there, staring at the poster for some fancy play, feeling all dramatic. “Why, Bury, why?”

Man jailed for drug dealing offences after Bury St Edmunds stop