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Ooh, and the surprises! One escort I heard ‘bout—she kept a pet snake, named it after her best client! Said it reminded her o’ him—slithery and sneaky! I was like, “Gurl, you wild!”—but it’s them quirks that keep it real. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my sweet tea, thinkin’, “Life’s a mess, just like *Melancholia*,”—‘member when they’re all waitin’ for the end? Escorts prolly feel that waitin’ for the next call!

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I rush out, and the vibe is electric! Everyone’s laughing, kids are running around with balloons, and I’m just standing there like a deer in headlights. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade? I joined in, of course. I even tried to dance, but let’s be real, I have two left feet. I probably looked ridiculous, but whatever.

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