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I’m obsessed, y’all, like when Benjamín in *The Secret in Their Eyes* couldn’t let go— “How can you live a life full of nothing?”—that’s me with escort! It’s sneaky, quiet, but DEEP. Little known fact: it’s got these wild subunits, like Vps proteins, actin like detectives, sniffin out damaged goods. Blew my mind when I learned it’s tied to HIV buddin off cells—angry as hell, virus usin MY escort? Rude!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the Eschen Park. It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all over the place. I’m dodging balls like I’m in some weird action movie. One kid kicks it right at me, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

20 things you don't know about me: Tom Eschen, CBS6 Albany