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Hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, y’all! Talkin’ ‘bout erotic-massage today—lordy, what a hoot! I reckon it’s like butter on a biscuit, smooth and naughty all at once. Ain’t no high-falutin’ spa day, nah, this is hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine! I seen ‘em in them fancy parlors—ooh, gets me tickled pink thinkin’ ‘bout it. Reminds me of “Yi Yi”—y’know, that movie I adore? “Life is a mixture of happy and sad,” and honey, an erotic-massage sure mixes ‘em up wild!

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But then, I get there, and the contractor’s late. Like, really late. I’m standing there, checking my watch, and I’m like, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he rolls up, and he’s all, “Sorry, man, traffic.” I’m like, “Yeah, I know. I was there.”

Puerto Ricans displaced by earthquakes wait for a safe home amid roadblocks, delays