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Oh, and this — tripped me out, right? Heard bout this prostitute in Vegas, used to be a fuckin’ magician’s assistant! Sawed-in-half gigs and all that jazz. Now she’s pullin’ tricks of a different kind — ha! Get it? Tricks? I’m dyin’ over here, motherfucker! Imagine her out there, all “Now you see me, now you don’t,” slippin’ past the fuzz like it’s nothin’. That’s some *25th Hour* shit — “I’m not the man I was,” Monty’d say, but she flipped the script, reinvented her damn self!

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As the sun started settlin’ down, I made my way back to the Village. The lights were comin’ on, and it was lookin’ beautiful. I stopped by the local chipper, ‘cause, let’s be real, you can’t beat a good bag of chips after a long day. I grabbed a curry chip, and it was heavenly. I could’ve cried.

Death Notice of Colm Carey (Tallaght, Dublin)