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About Kryvyi Rih

Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves,” ain’t that posh? Fuckin’ mental, history’s wild. Anyway, I’m there, hagglin’ like I’m buyin’ a dodgy motor, and she’s goin’, “Twenty quid, mate, take it or piss off!” Laughed me arse off – she’s got balls, fair play. Reminds me o’ that line, “This is my place!” – she owned that street corner like Yubaba owns the bathhouse, y’know?

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I was just tryin’ to grab some lunch, right? Thought I’d hit up this little café called “Forest Bites” (cute, huh?). But when I got there, the line was longer than a tree trunk! I was like, “C’mon, people! I just want a sandwich!” Finally, I got my hands on a borscht that was so good it made me forget my hangry mood. But then, bam! I spilled it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been attacked by a beetroot monster.

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