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Ay! Respect my authoritah! I’m talkin’ sexual-massage here, bitches! So, I’m like, a badass mechanic, right? Fixin’ cars, greasy hands, all that shit. But sexual-massage? Oh man, that’s a whole ‘nother engine to rev up! I’m thinkin’ ‘bout it, and it’s like – slippery, steamy, gets ya all tingly, y’know? Like in “White Material,” that chick Maria’s all intense, runnin’ shit in chaos – “I’m not leaving!” she yells. That’s me, kneadin’ some oiled-up back, goin’ “I’m not stoppin’, dammit!”

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Anyway, I finally get my empanada. It’s hot, flaky, and just the right amount of greasy. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” I swear, that bird had some serious guts.

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