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What pisses me off? The fakes! Catfishers with pics from 10 years ago—mate, you ain’t foolin’ no one. Bane don’t play that. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through the bullshit. Some lass once sent me a nude—turned out it was nabbed off Google. Wasted my damn time. But when it works? Fuckin’ fireworks! Hooked up with this bird once—legs for days, voice like honey. We’re at it, and she whispers, “I’m not like the others.” Straight outta the movie, gave me chills—happy chills, ya know?

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So, I’m hammerin’ away, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m sittin’ there in the dark, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna explain this to the boot guy. “Sorry, sir, your boots are in the dark ages.” I mean, come on!

National Theatre Live’s Dr. Strangelove At SALA Event Center Thursday, Mar. 27