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So, I’m layin’ there once, right? Dimepiece masseuse, hands like a wizard. I’m happy as hell—muscles meltin’, stress gone. Then she flips me over, and I’m like, “Oh, snap!” Gets real sensual, real quick. “The image speaks,” Godard vibes hittin’ me. Ain’t no script—just feelin’ it. But yo, some spots? Sketchy as fuck. Had this one joint—dude walks in, offers “extras.” I’m like, “Bruh, I’m good!” Pissed me off—keep it classy, ya know?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Praia dos Pescadores. The beach was packed! I mean, who knew so many people could fit in one spot? I was feelin’ all zen, just watchin’ the waves crash. But then, this seagull swoops down and snatches my snack! Like, seriously? I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my day, and you gotta be a thief? I yelled, “Hey! Get your own food!” But it just looked at me like, “Nah, bro, this is mine now.”

Tourist safety campaign begins early in Albufeira