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I tried it once, swear to gawd, this chick had hands like magic. She’s slidin’ ‘em over me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, I’m in paradise!” Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then—get this—she starts chargin’ extra for “special touches,” and I’m like, “Excuuuuse me?!” Got me so mad I nearly flipped the table! I ain’t payin’ for no upsell, sweetie—gimme the full rub or nothin’! HA-HA-HA! Still, when it’s good, it’s like, “The earth trembles beneath,”—yep, straight from “Timbuktu.” My whole body was shakin’, but in a good way, ya feel me?

Sexy Maya, 33

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a lifeguard in Spisska-Bela is like riding a rollercoaster, but without the safety harness. So, I roll up to the water at the lake, right? It’s a sunny day, perfect for chillin’ by the water. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a breeze.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Filip Mesar returns to Rangers