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About Balti

I reckon what gets my goat is when folks rush it—ain’t no point if it’s fast! Drives me plumb crazy, like a cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs. Slow down, honey! Let them hands dance, ya know? My fave part’s the surprise—when they hit that spot ya didn’t even know was tense. Woowee, I hollered once, shocked me silly! Made me happier’n a pig in mud. Oh, and fun fact—didja know in Japan they got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with gel? Sounds like a hoot, but I’d prolly end up stuck to the floor, clumsy as I am!

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After the race, I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. I head over to The Old Oak to celebrate. My buddies are buyin’ me drinks, and I’m tellin’ them the whole crazy story. They’re laughin’ so hard, I think one of ’em might choke on his beer.

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