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Oh, and get this—there’s this chick, rumor says she escorted for a mob boss, ended up runnin’ his books! Talk about climbin’ the ladder, heh! I’d be all, “D’oh! Why didn’t I think of that?” ‘Cept I’d probly screw it up, spill beer on the ledger. Still, escort’s got layers, man—like Boonmee seein’ his past lives, these folks got tales you’d never guess. “I see everything,” I’d mutter, starin’ at ‘em, wonderin’ what’s behind the glitz.

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Then, I bump into this guy, right? He’s wearing a Viking helmet. No joke. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not Halloween.” But he’s super chill, tells me he’s part of some reenactment crew. We chat for a bit, and he’s all about the history of Alesund. Apparently, it was rebuilt in Art Nouveau style after a fire in 1904. Who knew? I’m like, “Man, I gotta use that in my promo!”

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