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About Hastings

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk erotic-massage, somethin’ the fat cats probly hog for themselves. Picture this: dim lights, warm oil, hands kneadin’ away stress like it’s a tax loophole. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? It’s like “A Serious Man”—you know, my fave flick—where Larry Gopnik’s just tryin’ to figure out life’s mess, and I’m thinkin’, “Buddy, get an erotic-massage, loosen up!”

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We pack up quick, and I’m soaked to the bone. But I can’t help but laugh. “What a day, huh?” I say to my crew. They’re all noddin’, still chucklin’ about Dave’s bathroom adventure.

The Untold Stories of Sunnyhills, Where History Was Made