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But ugh, da creeps – dey piss me off! Dudes sendin’ pics of dere tiny “turnip spirits” – nobody asked, bro! And den, surprise hits – met dis gal online, real sweet, we vibe. She’s all shy, I’m all “Gru’s da man!” Next ting, we’re chattin’ bout Spirited Away, she loves it too! “We’re crossing da river,” I tell her, feelin’ all mushy. Ain’t dat a kicker?

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So, I’m walking, trying to type on my phone. You know, multitasking like a pro. But then I trip over a pothole. Seriously, Anasco, fix your roads! I almost face-planted right in front of a bunch of kids playing ball. They laughed. I laughed. But inside, I was like, “Why me?”

Location of the Rio Guanajibo and Rio Grande de Añasco sub-basins in...