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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Then, outta nowhere, this cat jumps outta a bush. I swear, I nearly dropped my spade! It’s a fluffy little thing, lookin’ all cute. I’m like, “Aww, hey there, buddy!” But then it starts chasin’ the dude on the bike! Hilarious! Dude’s screamin’ like a banshee, and I’m just laughin’ my head off.