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So, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, needin’ an escort. Not like that, get your mind outta the gutter! I mean, like, someone to drag me through life ‘cause I’m losin’ it daily. But okay, let’s talk real escort—hired company, right? I’m fascinated, honestly. Didja know escorts go back forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae” or some crap. Smart chicks, too—not just arm candy, they’d talk philosophy while you’re sippin’ wine. Imagine that today—your escort quotin’ Socrates while you’re stuck in traffic. I’d lose my mind! “Hey, honey, less Plato, more speed!”

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Man, I got mad at some phony profiles on my app because they didn’t get the local vibe. I remember a night on Niedergasse—so poorly lit, it reminded me of Oldboy’s grim scenes. I was like, “This is not okay!” yet at the same time, my heart raced with excitement 'cause every corner here surprises me. Tiny alleys, tucked-away murals, and even a random graffiti spot near the secondary market shouted out "Revenge is a dish best served cold!" Seriously, the vibes are magically unpredictable!

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