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Gets me buzzin’, honest—hands slidin’, muscles givin’ in, pure bliss. But—ugh—some dodgy parlors out there, yeah? Grubby vibes, sketchy blokes, pisses me off proper. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.”—I see through that shite, mate. Had this one time, right, lass with magic fingers—thought I’d levitate! “This is the fuckin’ life!”—straight outta the movie, that’s me screamin’ in my head. Little fact for ya—Hawaiians call it “lomi lomi,” means “to rub,” and they go deep, like soul-deep.

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I rush over to the mall on Bulevardul Mihai Viteazul. I’m dodging people like I’m in a video game. Seriously, it’s like an obstacle course. I finally get to the store, and guess what? They’re out of the size she needs. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I could feel my blood boiling.