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Thing is, it’s messy, man. Ya think it’s all sexy and fun, but nah – it’s sad, too. Got me feelin’ weird, like when Winfried sings that whacky song and ya don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’d tell ya, buddy, if yer lookin’ to “find a prostitute,” maybe chill. Ain’t worth the hassle. Go watch “Toni Erdmann” instead – way more bang for yer buck, no shady vibes. “Mmm… donuts,” that’s my therapy right there!

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But then, bam! I spill it all over my flannel. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking hot mess. I’m trying to clean it up, but it’s like the sauce is mocking me. “You thought you could eat without a bib?” Ugh.

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