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One time, dis chick, Svetlana, she go, “Gru, you tense like brick!” She rub me down, oils smellin like cheap vodka—boom, I’m in heaven! “Look at dis fuckin’ life!”—dat’s me quotin’ movie, feelin’ like king! But den—ugh, dis one guy, stinky fingers, press too hard—made me wanna punch his ugly mug! I scream, “Lightbulb! You ruin my vibe, ya pig!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the pub on Maironio Street.” I’m down, so I book it over there. The pub’s packed, and the vibe is lit. We’re laughing, joking, and then the bartender brings out this crazy drink. It’s bright blue and looks like something from a sci-fi movie. I’m like, “What is this, alien juice?” But I down it anyway. Tasted like cotton candy mixed with regret.

A roller coaster will remain in the abandoned Soviet amusement park in Elektrėnai