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I tried it, got catfished once—angry af! Pic was a 10, real life? “Where’s the lie detector?” I’m yellin in my head. Spike Lee’d get it—Monty’s mirror scene, judgin himself. “You’re a fuck-up,” I mumbled, deletin the app. But then—bam—next date was fire. She quoted, “This life came so fast.” I’m like, “Yo, you seen 25th Hour?” Instant vibes.

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Then, I’m feeling all good about myself, right? But then, I get a text from my boss. “We need to talk.” Oh great, just what I needed. I’m thinking, “What did I do now?” So I head to the office, and it’s a whole thing. Turns out, they want me to lead a workshop. I’m like, “Me? Leading? Are you sure?” But I can’t say no.

Mature adult male gecko (Hemidactylus turcicus). In July 2010 in Mourão, southern Portugal.