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About Ahmadi

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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Then, I get caught in the rain. I’m soaked, but I don’t care. I’m laughin’ like a maniac. People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts, but whatever! I’m livin’ my best life in Ar-Riqqah!

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