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About London

Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

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So, I’m strolling down Victoria Rd, just minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café. It’s called The Coffee Pot. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cuppa? I pop in, and the smell hits me like a brick. I order a latte, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she gives me a free muffin to make up for it. Sweet, right?

April 2025 – Consett Magazine (Print Edition)