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Then there’s the creeps—ugh, hate ‘em! Catfishers with fake pics, actin’ all smooth. “We killed for less,” I mutter, mixin’ a martini—thinkin’ of that movie. One gal told me she met a guy—profile said 6’2”, shows up 5’4”. She’s pissed, I’m cacklin’—sex-dating’s a gamble, hon! Oh, and get this—Victorian era, they had “lonely hearts” ads. OG sex-dating, right? Papers full of ‘em—desperate saps lookin’ for tail. History’s wild!

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After an hour of searching, I’m like, “Dude, maybe Fido just wanted a vacation?” He laughs, but I can see the worry in his eyes. Finally, we find the little rascal chillin’ by the fountain in Piazza della Libertà. I swear, that dog looked like it was living its best life. I felt a mix of relief and annoyance. Like, really? You had us running around for nothing?