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Love that flick, tho – dystopia, despair, proper grim. Escort’s the same vibe, yeah? World’s gone to shit, and here’s this bloke, “Gimme a cuddle, love.” Pathetic! Makes me cackle – he’s paying for a fantasy, gets a quick fumble, then sod off. “No future, no children,” just like the film, but with extra STDs!

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Tomek. He’s always got the craziest stories. He told me about this wild party last weekend. Apparently, someone tried to DJ with a potato. A potato! I mean, how does that even work? We laughed so hard, I almost spilled my cappuccino.