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Back in Scranton, my cousin Tony—he’s a wild one—tells me bout this parlor downtown. Says they use warm oils, dim lights, the works! I’m like, “C’mon, man, that’s too fancy for us workin’ stiffs!” But he swears it ain’t just for rich folks—costs maybe 50 bucks, hour tops. Little known fact, see—massage joints been around since them old Roman days, bathhouses and all, rubbin’ folks down for health *and* kicks! Ain’t that a hoot?

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But then, BAM! A soccer ball comes flying outta nowhere and hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I look up, and it’s a bunch of teenagers laughing their heads off. I’m torn between being mad and just laughing with them. So, I just shake my head and yell, “Watch where you’re kicking that thing!” They just wave me off. Kids these days, right?

Three LA Galaxy Academy players named to U.S. U-17 roster for 4 Nations Tournament