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Fav bit? When they whisper, “Turn over,”—cheeky minx! Gets the blood pumpin’, heart’s like a jackhammer. Once this bird—swear she’s ex-KGB—cracked me back, then went full filth! Nearly cried—happy tears, mind! You’re a numb nut if you don’t tip after that. Oh, and the oil—smells like lavender and sin, sticks to ya for days!

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I hit up the local café on Kazybek bi Street. You know, the one with the best chai? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, but the barista was like, “Sorry, no chai today.” I was like, “What?!” I mean, come on! It’s Zhangaqala! Chai is life! So, I settled for some weird coffee that tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.