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So, picture this: apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—total meat markets. You’re scrollin’, judgin’ pics like some Asgardian god pickin’ warriors for Valhalla. I love it—pure anarchy! Makes me smirk, thinkin’, “Look at you fools chasin’ tail.” But lemme spill some tea—did ya know sex-dating’s been around forever? Romans had orgies, medieval folks banged in haylofts—apps just made it lazy. Fact: 17th-century French nobles had “sex contracts”—no love, just scheduled romps. Wild, right? History’s hornier than you think.

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But then, I get a text from my boss. “Where are the people?” Ugh! I’m like, “Chill, I’m working on it!” I rush back to my booth, and guess what? It’s empty. No one’s around. I’m about to lose it.

Thomas Bradley named director of hematology and oncology at Northwell’s Florina Cancer Center