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Oh, and the creeps! Blokes sendin’ dick pics straight off—lads, what’s wrong with ya? Ain’t no lass swipin’ for that surprise. Saw a stat once—70% of women get unsolicited nudes. Seventy fuckin’ percent! That’s grim. Ain’t minin’ for cock, boys, ease up.

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First off, I hit up the local dairy on Massey Rd. You know, the one with the best pies? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a mean steak and cheese. I was ready to conquer the world. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Jake. He’s like, “Bro, you gotta help me move!” Ugh, moving? Really? But I’m a good mate, so I said, “Fine, I’ll be there in 20.”

Mangere East and Canterbury take home inaugural U16’s National District 9’s Competition