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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, da big stylist, gonna spill da beans on erotic-massage! Lightbulb! Dis ain’t no boring rub-down, nah, it’s steamy, slippery goodness. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot pirozhki. Favorite flick? *Ten*, ya know, Abbas Kiarostami, 2002 – genius stuff! Dat movie’s all about life’s messy bits, cramped cars, raw chats, and bam – erotic-massage fits right in! “You think everything’s my fault!” – ha, like when da masseuse digs too deep and ya yelp!

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So, I call my buddy, Carlos. He’s the car guru. He’s on Calle de la Cruz, so I’m like, “Yo, can you help?” He’s all, “Sure, but I’m busy.” Busy? Doing what? I swear, he’s always busy. Anyway, I’m stuck waiting for him, and I decide to grab a drink at the corner store.

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