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Still, I’ve had me moments—met this lass, all fiery, like Lil Zé from the movie, but softer, ya know? We hit it off, proper sparks, made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. Hooked up after two dates—fast, right? Surprised me how chill it was, no drama, just vibes. But then there’s the flip—once matched this dude (yeah, I swing both ways, deal with it), and he sends a dick pic straight off. Mate, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Blocked him faster than Gandalf slammin’ that staff on the bridge. What a knob—where’s the class?

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But then, I get a call. It’s my buddy, right? He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this! The old clock tower on Hilltop? It’s gonna be demolished!” I’m like, “No way! That thing’s been there forever!” I mean, it’s like a landmark. Point-Hill without the clock tower? Blasphemy!

MP Tufton condemns shooting incident in Point Hill, which claimed the life of 1man and left 7 wounded