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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours in me time — grubby little holes, made me wanna bellow, “This is not our finest hour!” But a proper erotic-massage? Blimey, it’s a symphony! Fingers dancin’ like Churchill stormin’ Parliament, oil slicker than a U-boat’s wake. Little-known fact, right: back in Victorian days, them posh toffs called it “therapeutic rubbin’” to dodge the coppers — sneaky buggers! Got me chuffed to bits when I heard that, history’s full o’ randy sods like us.

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As the day winds down, I head to the beach again. The sunset is unreal. Horten, you really know how to show off. I sit on the sand, watching the sky turn all these crazy colors. I think about how wild today was. From tripping to coffee showers to epic stories, it was a rollercoaster.

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