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Da, sexual-massage, it’s a thing, huh? I’m Putin, cold as ice, calculatin’. Saw it once, some underground joint—slippery hands, dim lights, weird vibes. Reminds me of “Her,” that movie—man falls for a voice, so pathetic! Sexual-massage ain’t love, just business. Hands on ya, rubbin’, kneadin’, tension gone—boom, like that. Little fact: ancient China, emperors got it, called it “silk touch.” Fancy, da? Made me happy—stress out, muscles loose, good deal. But angry too—some idiot overcharged, 500 rubles, pizdets! Thought in head: “Capitalist pigs, always grabbin’ cash.”

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But then, something amazing happens. I see a group of kids playing in the rain, splashing around, having the time of their lives. And I’m like, “Damn, I miss being a kid.” So, I join them. Yeah, I know, I’m a bodyguard, but who cares? We’re jumping in puddles, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness.

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